This evening at an event at the the ica i open my mouth and i stand behind one of these
i’d rather be standing behind on of these:
and i’d even go as far as saying that this would be more preferential:
(what will come out of my mouth: something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue)
I was given the opportunity to deliver an acceptance speech the other night.
I had a few words prepared.
Yet i said nothing.
NOTHING.
I really regret that now.
Regrets can be hard to deal with.
Examples:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJp5Ew7Galc&hl=en_US&fs=1&]
The Guardian on the Chortle Awards.
I’ve been invited to speak at Oxford Universities HUMAN SCIENCES 40th anniversary SYMPOSIUM: Exploring the links between mental disorders and creativity in society.
I’m 2nd up of 3 speakers.
The other 2 are proffesors in Psychiatry and anthro…something.
so, at first glance, coming second…may see like a plum spot…the meat between the the bread. (the expression meat and two veg, also sprung to mind..but i quickly dismissed that as i believe it has strong sexual connotations..
prof1 and me and prof2
However i’m now looking on my position somewhat apprehensively now.
I feel a little bit like the labortory rat awaiting disection.
or rocky dennis in the film: Mask
We both have ginger hair
I might get mauled
me...
Infact my right and left flanks are always very vulnerable
and then i might even have to deal with questions
ATTACK SCENARIO
having said that I hear Oxford is very nice.
I’ve only been there once before.
and never masturbated there at all.
Pre show in a toilet in Witherspoons. (there was no lock on the door and the gap underneath was large enough to walk out from). i was thinking…..
…..that i’d very much like the arrangement for tonights audience to be something like this….
how ever….it will probably be like this….
for tickets press here. For up to date infomation on the best toilets on the market press here.
Dear Ladies & Gentlemen.
this is for you
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOfP9iDgR3w]
with much love
God Bless you
Kim Noble
With a Private View and exhibition to promote, i am worried about the marketing campaign.
I decided to use up to the minute methods: by sending an email, which thus far has instigated 213 Mail System Undelivered Messages returned and 16 ‘Out of Office’ auto responses and 1 bitch called cathy who wanted me to be removed from my address book.
my spirits have been dramatically lifted when i read Duncan Bannatyne’s “Anyone Can Do It”.
He said its not the amount of contacts you have…its the quality. so i went for a different approach.
a highly selective marketing campaign to identify the best ‘clients’ i can get.
i was in tescos metro.
i spotted a very nice lady buying a blue 20009/2010 diary…
i realised she was the exact person i need to attract.
so i wrote in another diary
then placed it back on the shelf
and left it there…so hopefully who ever buys that diary….
….will come to the exhibition.
______________________________________________________________________________
“The Loneliness of Anwara Tandoori Takeaway”
As the 5th solo intervention at Domobaal, during the exhibition, “Time Is A Sausage” ;
I will be showing a new installation entitled “The Loneliness Of The Anwara Tandoori Takeaway”
The mini show takes place over 3 days:
29/10 – 31/10
Private view (all welcome) :
29/10 6-8pm
Time is a Sausage
17/09 – 19/12
DOMOBAAL
3 JOHN STREET LONDON WC1N 2ES
T+44 20 7242 9604 M+44 7801703871
THURSDAY TO SATURDAY 12 TO 6 PM
www.domobaal.com
www.mrkimnoble.com
…Earlier this year my show was performed in London.
However the theatre received a letter of complaint, which is printed below, and I felt I should somehow atone for the misery caused. I’m just trying to help.
(the name and address, have been deleted)
Xxxxxxxx
Xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Xxxxxxxxxxx
Dear Soho Theatre,
I went to see Kim Noble will Die on the 14th April with 2 friends, and we were all very disappointed and surprised that the Soho Theatre would be irresponsible enough to profit from a man that is clearly mentally unwell and very unstable.
As a trainee psychiatrist, it is clear to me that Kim Noble needs an urgent psychiatrist assessment, rather than his twisted behaviour being held up as ‘art’ or ‘comedy’. Several parts of the show were disturbing and we left halfway through (when we were told to get out we didn’t have a pot of his semen), as did many other people. I am worried about Kim Noble’s own health and his suicidal ideation, particularly his threat to kill himself. You may claim that he did not mean this, but I would argue that this decision should be made by a psychiatrist, in a man with known bioplor disorder and several inpatient psychiatric admissions.
I am also concerned about the wellbeing of the public, including people in the audience who may struggle with self harm and were presented with graphic scenes of self mutilation. This may well have inspired vulnerable people to go home and repeat this. I particularly shocked that there was no warning about the extreme nature of this show beforehand.
I am also particularly worried about Kim putting his semen into Vagisil containers and then putting them back onto shelves in shops. As a medical doctor, I know that several potentially fatal diseases, such as hepatitis B and C, can be passed on this way.
Because of this, I called the police and they said they would investigate this.
My job is to spend all day helping people who are mentally unwell, so I therefore did not appreciate having to pay for the privilege of spending more time in the company of a disturbed individual.
This show wasn’t funny, it wasn’t art, and it was deeply disturbing and irresponsible.
I would therefore appreciate a refund for the 3 tickets bought, and an assurance that this man will be getting a psychiatric assessment and that you will not be staging further similar shows. I will also be writing to the local council about its decision to license this show.
Yours sincerely
Dr xxxxx xxxxxxxxx
It was only right that I should respond to him….my letter is printed below
Dear Dr xxxxx xxxxxxxxx
I am so so so sorry that you left halfway through my show…there was actually a good bit just after that, which you missed.
I can also assure you the theatre didn’t (and I quote) ‘profit from a man who is clearly mentally unwell’, I believe they just broke even, the cost of hiring a smoke machine was quite a heavy burden on the theatres finances.
As a good will gesture.. doctor I’ve booked 4 tickets to go and see Ben Hurr Live on the 19th September at the O2 Arena. I’ve enclosed 3 tickets for you and your friends, the fourth I will keep for myself and look forward to meeting you there, if I’m still alive. We will have a lovely time, and you can assess me during ( and I quote from the website )‘the epic chariot races brought to life’.
I think I’m falling in love with you doctor
Yours forever
Kim Noble.
I am yet to hear back from him. If you have any complaints about anything in Edinburgh this year then I suggest you come with me to see Ben Hurr Live. I’ve heard its quite good. I love you all.
