Masking tape & relationships
About 4 years ago…I made a somewhat misguided romantic (perhaps creepy) gesture for a girlfriend. I attached a flower to every lamppost and street sign in the area where they lived. The person in question didn’t like the flowers. or the gesture And in any case they died within a week. (the flowers not the girlfriend).
1 month later the relationship ended…leaving just dead stalks attached to lampposts.
Today, four years, on I walked down the street by chance..and there at each pillar and post, the slight remnants of the tapes adhesive. A faint reminder of the marks relationships can leave on lampposts.
Moral: always use stronger masking tape.
Art On Empty Shelves
Stock Pile, Panic Buy, Hoard food…Leave the shelves empty… and lets put art there.
Tescos Express Kentish Town
Tescos Express Camden Road
Sainsburys Local York Way
Keith (an unfinished study of a cashier left on the shelf where he works/worked)
An Audio Series
so…i’ve spent some time in a cupboard..sometime underground..sometime recording a squirrel getting battered to death…and all of this sound will form an audio series available* exclusively on Spotify from Spring 2020
*please note if my last projects are anything to go by it will be banned/canned or cancelled in feb 2020.
fifty shades of something.
pop up addition to fifty shades of grey. the last 24 pages have also been changed
hoping to ride of this books popularity for my publication
At the request of the staff, my large screen installation will now not be shown TUMULTINGENT 6 Art festival, Gent.
Causing offence, inappropriate messages on stealing and eating a book on Schopenhauer have been cited as 3 of possible reasons.
(there were no cocks or shit involved in the work at all)
so today i might do a watercolour instead.
Question and Answers Sessions suck balls.
(article original published in Draff Magazine)
There comes a time in every man’s life where one has to face facts: they have to attend a Q&A session. For some this comes at a theatre, for others it may be a cinema screening or conference hall. It might even be online via the World Wide Web.
It’s a right of passage moment and aren’t that the truth.
And it doesn’t matter if you are on the side of the audience/questioners or trying to provide the Answers from stage – Question and Answers Sessions suck balls. And anyone who says they are interesting or useful is wrong. In fact, I’d go some way to already hating you. I’m going to throw ‘feedback’ sessions for scratch performances into this mix too. I hate you. They should be banned.
The undercurrent of this irrelevant fixation is my ineptitude and loathing of having to stand alongside my work and discuss it. I leave that for others. Of course art needs to be discussed, thought over and debated. (Otherwise DRAFF magazine wouldn’t exist and we can’t have that). But please do it in your own free time. Like you’re doing right now. But not on a stage right after a show/film/reading/performance. It demystifies the whole art piece that you’ve just witnessed, akin to a magician explaining his trick while he’s smashing your watch under a red handkerchief (actually I’d like to see that. Bad example.)
I’ve recently been involved in making a theatre piece called Wildlife Fm with Campo along with a Belgian director (who has amazing hair) and a cast of nine young people. With Pol, the director, having returned wisely to the EU straight after the premiere, I was asked by the theatre to sit in on the Q&A alongside the youngsters. Mother F*****! was my initial reaction.
I asked a few of the young folk what was actually going through their brains during the Q&A (a few thoughts below).
Of course we’re all given a choice to leave, we are lucky to live in a democratic society. (In North Korea I believe its state policy to force all adults between 18-21 years of age to stay behind in a theatre just in case there’s a Q&A.) But sometimes one is obligated to attend.
People who attend these sessions tend to be divided into two distinct camps:
1/ Those that attend and ask questions (these people I really despise). Normally the question is never actually a question but an ill-thought-through, sycophantic string of words that goes on and on and on. Get your own freaking show mate if you want the attention!
2/ Those that feel obliged to be there because they vaguely know someone in the show and it might seem rude to leave but they’d rather be at the bar and with each question the chest pain becomes increasingly worse.
Where did Rob Brydon Hide my fucking Life Jacket
British Airways (fucken annoying) inflight safety instructional video is presented by various panel show celebrities, a tossing chef and Mr Bean. Seems somewhat at odds with the gravity of the point. (although Emirates use dancers and performance artists) with So sadly your dying thoughts in an (un)likely event of an air disaster will likely be something like:
“What did Mister Bean say the brace position was”
“Where the hell did Rob Brydon say my life jacket was”