NEW Airbus 320 Safety Instructions

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i went on an

Airbus320. took home various safety instruction cards and duplicated them with additions and put them back on the return flight. I’m hoping they are more true to life.

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New Improved Parking Restriction Signs

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most days i would wander passed this impotent looking signpost.
It looked so sad. With out a Purpose. i know how it feels.

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So I got a new improved parking restriction sign made up for it. (and a couple more for Unused Signposts in the area)

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An extra Hour of Your life

A Novelist on a radio 4 panel discussion spittingly described my show as:

 ‘an hour of her life she will never get back’.

And this is completely true, yet  it made me sad. I’m trying to think of ways to give her that hour back…but  in the mean time i thought perhaps i could give her readers an Extra hour to make up for it.

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so i “acquired” a few of her new novels.

which contains approximately 97,569 words. by my workings it would take me (or a future reader) 1 hour to read 11,988 of her words. so if i was to remove them…it would save a reader 1 hour.

given that Aminatta (the novelist) seemed to not like sex with a water melon i thought i’d remove 11,988 ‘smutty’ words from her novel

 

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there was a lot of filth in that novel

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i removed pages 123 & 232 entirely.

THEN i put the depleted novels back on the shelf…

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so the next person who buys them, will read it…1 Hour quicker than normal….AN HOUR SAVED.

A whole hour that they could do something else with…an hour that the novelist wasted coming to my show.

i hope this goes someway to make amends.

 

thank you.

 

(i regret sharing some precious audio of my father with this programme..i know you can’t read this or are even aware of this dad..but I’m really sorry.)

 

 

 

 

HELP SOMEONE IN NEED (in aisle 6) THIS CHRISTMAS

Delighted my new, more accurate, uniform arrived last week. So i’m back for several shifts over the festive season in a highly unofficial capacity. (generally i’ll be around the poisons and garden hoses section)  B&Quniform

also ….tickets for You’re Not Alone    click Here 

LANDSCAPE PHOTOGRAPHER OF THE DECADE

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Delighted to announce…..

Not Very Good Graffiti

 

i tried to do some graffiti. but it wasn’t very good. oh well. we live and learn. shit graffiti

 

Share a coke? f*** off

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i re-printed / re-labelled / Re-stocked in shops my own ‘SHARE A COKE WITH..’ campaign. Here are

some results so far:

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coke uglybitch

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share a coke simon     lee likes coldplay shareacokewithkim

 

 

Don’t share a coke with….

dont share a coke