© Kim Noble 2024
Fancy a change of career? Why not join the Police Force?
police have the 2nd highest rate of divorce of any profession.
and they are 3 times more likely to die in their own hands than in the cause of duty.
so i decided to comfort one of them…
i was then presented with the opportunity to
discover close up what it actually felt like to be one
i initially became a power-crazied w*****, and felt i should change my name to Keith…but these feelings subsided to just wanting to arrest someone from an ethnic minority and shoot a innocent brazilian. i now earn £35,979, have a drinking problem and find interaction with people outside of the force very difficult. i hated myself before..but i hate myself even more now. move along please..nothing to see here.
Posted on July 9th, 2011
The Highlight of Ones Life
The birth of a child, your Wedding day, moving into your first house with a loved one,…treasured memories
So imagine my disdain when i realised the highlight of my life happened 18 years by the pool table in the Bull & Gate, in Kentish Town.
Chesney Hawkes (he sang I Am The One And Only in which topped the charts for 5 week in 1991) was standing holding a pint of Fosters.
I was stood about 2 metres away from him.
There was only 4 people in the Pub.
Then this happened…
Chesney dropped his pint and it looked as if he had pissed himself….
There…THATS BEEN THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY LIFE. (and i presume life will never again reach the joyous pleasure of that moment). CUNT.
Posted on April 28th, 2011
NEW CURE FOR DEPRESSION: Dog Food
DO YOU FEEL DEPRESSED?
Well a new therapy is available for free.
Just spend a few minutes everyday in the dog food section of your local supermarket
.
With names like: Winalot (yes you are victorious), Hero (thats you), Pal (you have many friends), cesar (a Roman Emporor to boot), how can you not feel more passionate about life.
however i feel we may be ignoring reality here…so i’ve decided to make my own dog food to bring us back to earth.
printing my own labels at home,
re-labeling some cans, and placing them back on the shelves, i bring you an all new dog food….
…LIFES A BITCH (because it is)
Posted on November 19th, 2010
KIM NOBLE on : DATING AGENCIES are Anti-Ginger.
finding that someone special is a service offered by the dating agency E-Harmony
I decided to complete the rigorous questionnaire in the vain attempt to become one of those smiling couples on the advert.
i was disheartened to recieve this email reply stating that there were no matches for me…
i called them to discuss my predicament
(LISTEN TO THE AUDIO TO HEAR THAT CALL)
thats all…if you want love & have ginger hair then don’t click here
Posted on November 4th, 2010
I feel Sad, alone and depressed. (but at least i have this)
Today i have only cried once. A dramatic improvement on yesterday.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FAQ7RXnwE0k&hl=en_US&fs=1]
Posted on July 6th, 2010
more stuff