KIM NOBLE &WHO SHOULD DIE (part7)
WHO SHOULD DIE (part7) :GREGG WALLACE (off masterchef) HOW: Shoot close range WHY: Loud, fat, cunt.
KIM NOBLE : on URINE
Today i saw this blind man on the underground.
I thought about all the difficulties he may face today…not just in getting about London, but also at home.
For instance; aiming must be a real problem. The rim of the bowl must be quite a mess. And the floor around the toilet base. I feel sure there must even be a fair amount of ‘splash’ on the surrounding walls.
I also saw this lady today
KIM NOBLE : ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION
(recommended listening for this page)
The Television advertisement states: 40% of men over 40 will experience some form of erectile disfunction.
Thats 1% chance for each year of your life. I wish i was 5 again.
I’m 35 and i certainly experienced a few % the other night.
below are a few examples to eradicate the stigma attached
ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION (type1)
ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION (part2)
ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION (type 3)
ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION (part4)
On love (for John)
for john terry
for you
for anyone who hates this sunday
Sour Ink by The Cesarians
Visuals by Kim Noble
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hX6RtyvOXs0&hl=en_US&fs=1&]
download Sour Ink here
HOW TO WIN A BIKE (and peoples affection)
(recommended listening for added blog impact)
This is Ellie. Apparently she has won your hearts, according to The Sun Newspaper
not only that but the nice people at the newspaper bought her a fucken bike
At the moment i don’t own a bike…and i’d really like one…and i’m also keen on being adored aswell.
so i’ve been thinking about amputation.
i sat here for some time thinking about it….but came to the conclusion that i wouldn’t go ahead with it.
KIM NOBLE on HAMSTERS ARE SEXUALLY ABUSED
“Attacker throws animal semen over girls in Bury. The substance was analysed by police and later identified as animal semen. In each incident, the offender was described as being a white man, aged between 25 and 35 and was carrying a bag.”
BBC NEWS
Yes I feel desperately sorry for young girls in question. And this man obviously needs to be stopped or at least just restricted to the Bury area.
But CHRIST has anyone given any thought to the animals in question and how this man acquired the substance.
I like hamsters.
KIM NOBLE on SELF ASSESSMENT TAX RETURNS
Tax doesn’t have to be taxing says Moira Stewart on the advert.
me licking Moira Stewart out.
Being a freelancing nob, once a year i have to trail through my reciepts…and this year…behind the crumpled strips of paper….
Dinner for 2 receipt
….a story unfolded of a relationship, resturant bills, spiralling mobile bills, bar drinks, flowers …and then nothing. The relationship was over.
In order for the next financial year to be just as interesting i’ve taken to buying women’s lingerie and condoms…so my tax return for next year, 2009/10 will tell just as interesting story.
womens stuff
KIM NOBLE on: A Cold Snap
Stories of blocked Motorways.
Images of Villages cut off.
Of treacherous conditions.
Abandoned Vehicles.
Of dying under frozen lakes.
Of councils road gritting issues.
Only travel if you have to.
Christ, Is snow really that……
Christ: “no….”
KIM NOBLE on INVESTMENT bankers
Bankers come in for a lot of shit these days…but i’ve realised how quickly investments can go wrong:
looking at ebay, i noticed someone was trying to sell a flyer from the recent show i was involved in.
i felt delirious…over joyed. Not only was it wonderous for a deflated ego….the finical benefits could be massive.
i’ve a whole pile of flyers i was to embarrased to give out….and here in front of me was a chance to not only clear them from below my bed, but get rid of the shed loads still left at the theatre. I could now begin to think about setting aside some money for a deposit. (i’m not exactly sure what i need a deposit for yet though)
joy turned to pain however as i noticed at 99p no one had even bid. i tried bidding myself, to up my statue in the market place. However i forgot my password and failed the security.
LIFES A CUNT.
Prologue: although i have nothing to do with the watches on sale under my name, i would, fully endorse them, and personally consider them official merchandise along with this promotional video.
KIM NOBLE ON: Bill Hicks mum and my mum
tonight is my last show…and its made me think..
a month ago i met and had my photo taken with Bill Hick’s mum at a screening of a film about the performer.
it made me think if anyone will want their photo taken of my mum when i go.
the actual logistics would be tricky as my mum doesnt get up to town that often and she runs a book circle on a monday.
so i’ve decided to bring out a poster of her and me with a whole cut in it to put your face instead of mine.
it will look a bit like this
it will retail at £5.99
it will be made of recyclable materials
proceeds will go to retards and famine victims.
