How Eric Clapton Takes his Coffee

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A working weekend

This weekend will be mainly spent working (very Unofficially) at various branches of B&Q in the Devon area. It’s great way to meet new people and a fantastic opportunity to enhance my knowledge of shower units.

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Nb. I had to leave my usual London branch after staff became suspicious

One Of Those Crap Lifestyle Survey’s To Find Out What Type Of Person You Are

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ARE YOU A CUNT?

yes

OR

no

 

 

CLICK TO FIND WHAT TYPE OF PERSON YOU ARE

 

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.

.

 

 

 

Do You Want to Blow up Your Boss Or Ex boy friend?

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making sevaral incendary device that are for sale at the motel de nowhere  on 7th Dec.

do you want to blow up an ethnic group, school or loved one or do you just want to make an impression at some wank private view? Well these small explosives could be just the ticket

 

leaving

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i recently had to leave my room to search for new lodgings. i made this and left it behind

(as well as a stained carpet, some holes in the walls for recording purposes and a heavy heart)

 

A Gift for The Hotel Staff

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Dear hotel staff At The Copthorne Hotel.

I stayed at  your Hotel in Salford. It was ok.

 i left this spade as a gift behind in my room. i hope you enjoy it.

byeeeeee x

moving

pointing stick  IMG_0400 IMG_0407

10 REASONS WHY FLAT HUNTING IS LIKE DATING A LADY

Searching for a room to live in London is a lot like trying to date women :

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1) All the good ones have already gone.

2) The really cheap ones are often dirty and you have to share it with 7 others.

3) They always look a lot smaller in real life than they do in their profile picture.

4) The keen one will probably be way out in croydon & have kids

5) They like you to have a steady income and not keep dead animals in the freezer.

6) if you express an interest they probably won’t call you back.

7) the scratch marks on the walls make you wonder why the last person left (them).

8) if your really lucky you get to make a deposit.

9) it makes you wonder where your life went so wrong.

on the plus side

10) both sometimes come with a washing machine.

HOLY WATER (with added Lilt)

catholic chruch
i went to a catholic church recently by mistake.

daught in church

i noticed all the holy water was running low. (either due to evaporation in hot weather or a lot of catholics needing to dowse themselves due to their sins)

volvic holy water

i thought i’d do my bit and fill up the various recepticles, using a bottle of Volic with a twist of Strawberry. Its all i had.

holy water

but the main ‘bucket’ of holy water was also running low

catholics are drinking this shit
so i popped to the newsagent and bought some Lilt. Becasue ‘The Lilt Man’ must be on a par with jesus. and its Got a Totally Tropicall Taste. So i thought it fits the Bill

catholics drink lilt
and i added that to the Holy Water too.

the lilt man is god
So if you wonder why catholics smell of Pineapple heres your answer.

HERE COMES THE THY LILT MAN!