KIM NOBLE AND WOMEN

i’ve been slightly worried about my lack of success with women.
i’ve decided to use Lynx Instinct Revitalising Shower Gel.

it says it : “UNLEASHES YOUR ANIMAL MAGNETISM AND EVOKES PRIMAL INSTINCTS”

after showering myself, i had to feed the cat and nearly vommed at the putrid smell of that jelly.

on leaving the house on the way to the theatre, i saw a dead rat lying in a pool of blood on the pavement

then when i got on the tube, i was forced to sit opposite this lady who played crap music very loudly.

She was a complete fucken dog.
Tomorrow i’m going to use SURE FOR MEN

KIM NOBLE : on this years Queens Message

Remember the troops they said
Remember those on there own this christmas
Queen spoke off spending time in Sandringham
Remember those less fortunate.

Fuck You Brian May….What about me and my family. my dad mistakingly bought ‘Fill your own crackers’. So on pulling them, nothing came out! nothing! Brian..You could have at least given us a mention…It was a difficult time for all of us.

KIM NOBLE on Christmas

christmas is a time for children.
so imagine my horror as i was urinating in a west end alleyway that I discovered that…..

i am outraged. I used to watch Ross Kemp on gangs religiously…

I’m sending a letter to Sky 1 forthwith.

(happy christmas readers)

KIM NOBLE’S AUDIENCE

Pre show in a toilet in Witherspoons. (there was no lock on the door and the gap underneath was large enough to walk out from). i was thinking…..

…..that i’d very much like the arrangement for tonights audience to be something like this….

how ever….it will probably be like this….

for tickets press here. For up to date infomation on the best toilets on the market press here.

KIM NOBLE IS TIRED

113 of these ejaculate filled pots, produced and frozen since April 09. I am tired.
I am thinking of selling them online. but i’m unsure of the pricing…

and here are 2 previews:
one in the times
and the other in the independent on sunday, the lords day.

click here for details on the show…or here for some porn

KIM NOBLE : a Belgian isn’t in a coma

There are few people who are worth their place on this planet. Rom Houben is one of those.
The Belgian man, surviving a horific car crash was thought to be in a vegetative state for 23 years, however he was conscious all along..he has lived in a state of non-communication with the outisde world until now. I admire this man.

If Esther Rantzen was still alive i’m sure a ‘heart of gold’ badge would be winging its way to Liege. And deservedly so.

Rom with his special keyboard

After a new head scan, doctors found that his brain was active and he can now communicate using a special keypad.

It made me think of other so called ‘vegetables’

A vegetable?

and the stories they might tell if they were given special keypads.

a vegetable with speakable pad allowing communication

Fotunately for Rom, he is from belgium, so he didn’t actually miss anything.

KIM NOBLE ON : a short prologue to a forthcoming show about death

Dear Ladies & Gentlemen.
this is for you

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOfP9iDgR3w]

with much love
God Bless you

Kim Noble

KIM NOBLE ON: Kim Noble is Shortlisted for an award & breasts

With december nearly upon us its time to once again turn our attention to The BBC Sports Personality of the Year Award Ceremony.
Although a personality award for someone who is sportsman seems a little far-fetched i am delighted that the BBC have announced that :

“A final batch of tickets for the BBC Sports Personality of the Year event in Sheffield will go on sale at 0900 GMT on Tuesday 17 November. The event at the Sheffield Arena will be the biggest yet with about 11,000 people in attendance.”

the awards are as follows:

Team of the Year
• Coach of the Year
• Overseas Personality
• Young Personality
• Helen Rollason Award
• Unsung Hero Award
• Lifetime Achievement
• Sports Personality of the Year

I wish we didn’t live in such an award driven society but on a personal note i believe im an outsider for the unsung Hero Award. i played football for the cubs reserve team 5 times in the 80’s and only got this piece of shit.

To be remembered fully for my achievements and be presented with the award by Willie Thorn would be a tremendous accolade.

i expect i’d be eligible for The Helen Rollason Award “for outstanding sporting achievement in the face of adversity” because i managed 12 press ups down the gym even with a slight bruising on my left arm

This year’s show will once again be hosted by Sue Barker, Gary Lineker and Jake Humphrey.

(apologies to Sue Barker for this picture. my blog stats have taken a dip recently and this was one way of addressing that decline.)

KIM NOBLE ON : TFL RECOMMENDS YOU AVOID LONDON & MY GROIN

I came across this sign…
I stood looking at it for sometime

it seemed quite definite at first….but then i began to question its ambiguity

what area should i avoid exactly?

the sign was here, so was it refering to this area:

or was it thinking a little broader

was it being political…what with that couple getting hijacked in their yacht and aids. Did it mean avoid this area?

or was the sign being more personal

or avoid here…

i looked at it for sometime…then i went to Burgerking

KIM NOBLE ON : RESULTS Of A-ha breakup

THANK if you voted regarding what X should do with the 2 a-ha tickets bought, but were in Y’s possession:

i’d like to thank you each individually for voting, but instead i’m sitting here picturing you….You. You. Siting else where. up right, facing this screen..
erect and engaged, reading with those eyes of yours.

READERS THIS IS FOR YOU

Back to THE A-HA GIG

Unfortunately there were 2 empty seats at the O2 centre during the A-ha performance.
but does it really matter. As long as other seats were being used. A seat is still a seat. (contrary to the view expressed by Kevin spacey’s (of K-pax fame) advert for American Airlines

X was sitting down during the concert but just in a slightly different place..here in fact:

Y, i understand, was at another NHS outlet in another part of the country..

RESULTS
10% -Ask y if x can sell the ticket(s) on ebay. a financial incentive may ease part of the heart ache.

24% -Try and forget the whole damn thing. they are y tickets now anyway, a-ha’s new album is shit and y obviously doesnt give a shit anymore.

18% -Go to the concert. perhaps it will be a nice

7% -Phone in a bomb scare on the greenwich peninsula prior to the concert.

47% -Start an a-ha tribute band. (perhaps called te-he)

others from you:

1%-Get a banner, invade the stage. let y know they are a xxxx, get free promo for x

1%-Spunk on the tickets

1%-Call up y and just insist on having the tickets back.

1%-ahh. sad problem for all. piss on her, shit in the tickets

So an a-ha band it is..in the forthcoming weeks i will put this in place….